Title: Driven By Love.♥
Author: moonstaro3 andberrychild.
Reviewer: th1rd3ye
Title: 4/5
Lovely title, in my opinion, and I want to say that the poster was a fabulous one. Do thank your designer (though this is not part of the judging criteria). However, such a title may easily get lost in a full Winglin list of titles appearing on the page, since many titles use the word “Love”.
Forewords: 6.5/10
The foreword is pretty short, which is not intriguing enough. There is a brief summary and two significant quotes which are meaningful. However, I will like to know more about the settings and background of the characters (both major and minor). If there were a third party, include his or her significant quote too. Do include more basic information. Strive on.
Plot: 9.5/15
Such a dramatic love plot is rather typical and too common, with scenes overused in dramas. I recalled that the drama of Meteor Garden having the poor girls asking the Famous F4 to help them sell their stuff. I think you should add more twists and developments of your own. Try harder!
Creativity/Originality: 6/10
Same comment as plot since the plot you used would reveal your creativity and originality.
Flow (speed): 12/15
The flow is alright, but I find the falling in love part with each other, too rapid. I think you can gradually show the progress in change of feelings towards each other, especially with rather many other minor characters around. Try to include more expressions and reactions from both the main and minor characters.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: 10/15
Grammar is a little weak. Changes in tenses are abrupt at times. Vocabulary used is rather simple and easy to comprehend. Your usage of prepositions is weak. I think you can improve in that aspect. Do strive on. Examples of errors include:
[1] She founds him irritating. (Foreword) – Since you have been using present tense rather consistently in the foreword, I think you should stick to it. It should be “She finds him irritating.”
[2] What did she just said?! (Chapter 1) – It should be “What did she just say?!”
[3] We’re the only one who’s been left on the room. (Chapter 1) – It should be “We’re the only ones who are left in the room.” The “We” is plural. Also, the preposition “on” is misused.
[4] No. Realy. (Chapter 1) – This is either a typo or real spelling error. It should be “Really.”
[5] Gui Gui shouted on me. (Chapter 2) – Gui Gui shouted at me.
[6] The girls who are following me shouted. (Chapter 3) – I think the abrupt change in tenses is a little out of place. You used “are” and then the following verb is “shouted”. I think you should stick to present tense, since from your foreword; you had been using present tense rather consistently.
[7] But, in one condition. (Chapter 4) – It should be “But, on one condition.”
[8] My first impression on him was just not good. (Chapter 5) – It should be “… impression of him …”
[9] B-but, maybe when I confessed, everything will changed. (Chapter 12) – After modals such as “will” and “would” and “might” and others, the following verb should be in its root form. So it should be “… everything will change.”
Writing Style: 8/10
I like your writing style. It is neat and easy to comprehend. The changes in points of views are clear. The sentences and paragraphing are tidy and appropriate. The only thing is about the lack of specific and descriptive descriptions of details and settings which can help enhance the imagery of your story. Characters will be livelier and more realistic with vivid descriptions.
Characterization: 7/10
As I have mentioned under Writing Style, there seemed to be an apparent lack of descriptions on the characters’ actions (you can be a little exaggerating since the scenes can be quite dramatic at times with a really famous teen idol), as well as the tones and emotions of characters. You can try to search for more sophisticated speech verbs which portray different tones and help to highlight the characters’ feelings. You can add in more actions to show more of the characters’ personalities. Dialogues are sufficient.
Setting/Details: 5/10
The settings and details are not that elaborate as mentioned above. Do try harder for this aspect.
Subtotal: 68/100
Bonus: 5/5
=D Sorry for the long wait.
Total: 73/100
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Hello there. Long time no blog, eh? :)) I missed you blogspot. I'm so sorry I can't update everday due to my tight schedule in school. I'm only a Sophomore in High School and yet so many school works need to be finished. Are they torturing us? :| So, change topic. Okay, what I posted above here is the review for my 2nd story also known as, fanfic. I've requested this long time ago and yet it only came out this time. I'm really excited to read it. I know I have so many mistakes in my story but there's always a room for improvement right?
Maybe someday, we never know, I'll be a book author. Lol. For now, that's my dream. since I have a passion for writing stories so on my college, maybe I would take Script Writing. Hehe. I talked too much. I'll update tomorrow guys. All about Sophomore year. I'll talk about it tomorrow because I'm really damn sleepy now. Goodbye everyone and I love you. Good night! :-*
Review for my fanfic : Driven By Love.
Designer :